Good night one and all.

It seems that I have been pretty good at maintaining my weight for the last several weeks. I usually eat all of my points then "splurge"on something fun for dessert. Or like the other day, I had a fun pancake breakfast with my family and nephews who were over for the night. I feel good in knowing that it has not been as hard as it has in the past.

Something is aching at me (besides the heartburn/gas I have right now). I know what it is. (I want to lose those last 3 pounds.) I know what to do about it. (I have to write it down.) I know that I want to start on this 3 days ago. I don't know why I continue to let the weekends get "away from me". I know better.

I know that tomorrow morning I am going to get my journal out again. (I put it away after the week that Rose challenged me to write it down.) So, why do I feel like my drive is gone? I am not sure what I need to do to get out of this funk. ......

For years I went through this every March/April where I question what I do for a living. Am I being effective as an educator? Am I making a difference in people's lives? Should I be doing something else with my life, if so, what? I think that this attitude has carried over into my WW job too. No worries, I will get over it. I will be ok. It will take a short period of time. I have not had this feeling since I have had my new teaching job. Until last week. Now I question everything.

And of course, as you know, it also effects how I take care of myself. It effects how I eat. It effects my weight. It effects how I treat my children.

So, the question of the day.....what to do about it? I think I might have the answer....













scroll down....













GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP. Sleep is soooo important in everything we do from trying to lose weight to simply being functional.






Good night.
Love in Losing,
JEnny

Random Thoughts

First, my apologies to anyone who follows on a regular basis and I have not been there for you. My life as seem to gotten so busy that SOMETHING had to give.

Iknow that it is still early, but I have been doing a lot of thinking since our meeting this morning. You taught me a lesson....I need to introduce myself in detail during the Getting Started Session. I will be extremely brief during the meeting when it comes to that from now on. I was taught to do that in the meeting, but I was also taught that we should give the members what they want. Clearly, you don't want to hear my story every week.

I have been on this "I don't feel like I have been good at my job" thing with my FT job. I hope that I did not carry this over into the meeting this morning. If I did, I did not mean to. I have there for you.

I am going to get started on our "science fair boards" this week. I bought them while shopping today.

HERE WE GO.....

I have been maintaining my weight for the past few weeks. I think that I am happy where I am when I wake up in the morning. Why is it that by the time I go to bed at night I feel sooooo much different? I look at myself and think I should try to shed a few/couple more pounds. Wonder why that is?

I secretly would like to be 3-4 pounds less JUST so I can say that I am the same as before I got married. Really, more like the same as when I met my husband....for those who know the story, and I think you all do.

Today is going well so far. (food-wise). I will come back later today or tomorrow. I am getting ready for a housefull of kids and half of them have not had lunch yet.

Made it Mine

I only have random thoughts today.....

I made my goal this morning. For real this time, not just for a fleeting moment. In fact, I was .4 below, and so far today I feel good about how the rest of the week will turn out. I was a bit surprised by this mornings 1 pound loss, because yesterday for dinner I finished off a sleeve of thin mints.....Thank God THOSE are out of the house now. Thank God. We'll see how it really effects the scale in a day or so.

Ok, so I have NO idea how many points are in a whole sleeve of thin mints, but I did count my points the rest of the day (as I was dared by Rose). By the time I got to those thin mints, I had 16 points left for the day. Perhaps......

Now that I have met my goal, I need to think about if I like it here or if I think I should keep going. I like the idea of having a bit of a flatter stomach. But I am comfortable with me here. Not to mention that if I go much lower I WILL have to buy all new pants, mostly.

Secretly, I enjoy the compliments that I get. Or even just when people notice that I have lost weight.....wait til my mom's husband sees me now. OWWWW!


I just emailed the Relay for Life lady again. I hope that I hear from her. I am looking forward to it. Although, still in a quandry with what to do with my kids for that long, that late at night. humph. Something to think about.

I must get to bed at a decent hour tonight.....my new goal is to get to bed before 9pm 2-3 times per week.

Today's diddy: "Back-patting can whittle your waistline. Be first in line to congratulate yourself."
Love in Losing,
Jenny

4 thoughts for life....

I know that when I am at a church service I should focus more on the preacher. Today he said something that got me thinking about my whole life....I suppose that is a good thing. I could apply the 4 things he mentioned to make us better Christians to my Al-Anon life and my WW life.....

1.) Faith. We need to have faith in the program. There are professionals who work at the corporate office for us. They test this stuff. They have members in test markets use this stuff in real life before they present it to us, the service providers and you, the members. Have faith that if you stick with it you will lose weight.

2.) Courage. You had the courage to show up. You had the courage to walk in the room and sign up. You had the courage to come back. You now need the courage to continue on a road (that may be rough at times) in order to meet your goals. You are courageous. Demonstrate your greatness for others to be inspired.

3.) Obedience. Discipline yourself. Form habits. Make it a lifestyle change. Reward yourself for the good things, the goals met. Don't punish yourself for the slip-ups, use them as learning tools. Every experience in life gives us the opportunity to learn something. The hard part is recognizing it. (Quote me on that.)

4.) Patience. We did not get to where we were when we walked into WW overnight. It won't come off overnight either. Have patience with yourself. Don't expect perfection. Don't try to give up everything at once....you may set yourself up for failure that way....I would hate to see that happen. Allow yourself to mess up without punishing yourself horribly.

I would like to add #5: Strength. Sometimes, I think we have the courage to do the right thing, we just don't have the strength. This is when we have to dig down deep and pull ourselves up (or away from), dust ourselves off and tell ourselves that we CAN do this. We don't have to succumb to those cravings or "wantings".

So far so good. I have kept track of everything. How about you? Yesterday was not good though. My husband went to Shop-n-save for some last minute supplies for the birthday party we were hosting. He bought for ME some spicey/honey chicken nuggets from the deli. This is a weakness of mine. No idea how many points those are, but I had enough. Enough that I also wanted a beer. You know how that is....beer and wings....yum. I can only assume that most, if not all, of my WPA are gone.

I was speaking to my husband today about food. He messed up my BBQ mushrooms AGAIN. Measure the margerine, WAY less salt, and try not to burn them. In doing so, I found out that he likes to feed me. Those were his words. WHy do you suppose that is?!!! Wierd is what I thought. How can you keep me thin AND feed me at the same time? I told him that was like me serving him beer, but asking him to stay sober at the same time. DOESN'T HAPPEN, HONEY. THanks for trying though. I think that might have been a "term of enderment" for him.....to feed me. Who knows?

Today's diddy: "Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."

Love in Losing,
Jenny

Life is short....

Just the state of mind that I am in right now....While I was giving the getting started session to our 3 newest friends, my phone rang...twice. I thought it must have been important for someone to call me when everyone knows that I work Saturday mornings. And to do it twice, it had me worried.

Right after everyone left (it was just Kellie, Tracey and myself), I checked my vm. A message from one of the ladies that I carpool to work with telling me that passenger number 3's husband died Friday night----self-induced. How could life possibly be THAT bad. Those poor kids, and my friend, omg.

Needless to say, I wrapped myself around my family this weekend. What ever we have going on cannot be that bad that we feel we need to make everyone else's life hard. OOOHhhhh the suffering, the guilt,....

Why do we beat ourselves up with our weightloss? Is it really that much of a tragedy if we gain a pound this week? We are here to gain it....isn't that great?!!!! Should we really make the rest of our day suck, because we are up on the scale? Life is ours today. We breathe. We share love. Aren't we lucky?!!!!

How much luckier are we than those without the friends we have made in Weight Watchers? I cannot count. THAT's how lucky I am today. I wore my goals shirt last Saturday, because I lost focus. Today I am focused. Today I am grateful that I can be focused. Today I have me. And you.
You are lucky. You have you. We have each other.

Stay focused. Be grateful for something. Tell someone you are grateful for them. Make their day.

Today's diddy: "Sometimes it is not always the thought that counts. Sometimes the action counts more." ---Jenny Wright

No pain. No gain.

Life just seems so busy. It feels like forever since I have done this. I was at church this weekend listening to the preacher when I had this revelation: (keep in mind this applies to our spiritual life, our WW life as well as to other parts of our lives.

"We cannot make self-improvements painlessly." Now think about this. Have you ever tried to change a bad habit? How hard was it? Did it hurt? How did it hurt?

I went through a period of life where I looked at my flaws and tried, little by little, to change these or at least to become aware of them so that eventually they could each be changed. This was painful. First of all, because I had to admit that I was not perfect. I know, right, who REALLY thinks they are God?! How stupid. But it was a hard pill to swallow. Then I had to look at each of my defects and figure out WHY I acted the way I did. Not only do I work on fixing these things and going back to old behaviors, but also to make amends for some of those whom I have hurt along the way.

Can you spell P-A-I-N-F-U-L-L ??!!

Now lets apply that to our WW life. Lets fast forward to the week we joined. (There are soooo many feelings and behaviors to discuss that we had BEFORE we joined. That is what I am fast forwarding over here.) How hard was it to step on that scale for the first time? Was it harder because it was a total stranger behind the desk? OMG!!! Did I really get THAT big? How did that happen? What was I thinking?

Now that lady behind the desk knows how fat I am. I don't want to go back there. She may laugh at me. She may talk about me later. (Just so you know, if you don't already.....I care about you, but I can't remember what you weigh without looking at your folder. There is no way we would EVER laugh. We respect that you are here and that you continue to come back week after week.) I am so ashamed. And embarrassed.

And so the hard part is .....coming back. PAINFUL. Now we have admitted that there is a problem. And we are doing something about it. Good for you. Now what? Let's start with using the tools of the program.

Then after several weeks of losing, I begin to lose less and less. Then I start to gain. PAINFUL. Now what? Re-assess the tools of the program. What needs to happen for you in order for you to make a good weight loss this week? YOU are the only one who can answer that question. Well, what is it?

For me, sometimes the painfullpart is making the decision that I know is the right one. MAAN! Do I want that chocolate chip cookie, or that order of french fries, or that greasy burger.... But here now is the PAINFUL discussion that happens in my head:

"Boy that (fill-in-the-blank) sure looks good."
"I bet it tastes good too."
"You have not had one of those in soo long. It would be ok."
"Yeah, but you know how you will feel in the morning."
"What?! I have points left over for the day. It would be ok."
"Alright. So it would taste good right now. And you might enjoy one or two bites. But after that you won't. You know it. Then how will you feel in the morning about it?"
"Well, I don't want to give up THAT many points for something that I won't thoroughly enjoy. I will have some regrets and possibly have the 'I-wonder-what-would-have-happened-ifs' blues in the morning. Yeah. I don't want to have to do that much thinking in the morning. Better not have that (whatever-it-was) right now.

JUST having this conversation is PAINFUL. Why would I want to relive it in the morning? So. I don't go there. And on the rare occassion that I do, I know that I have to be ok with my decisions from the night/day before. I made my bed, I have to sleep in it. (I made my sandwich, now I have to eat it.) hehehe

We do gain from our pains. We gain knowledge. We gain experience. We gain strength. We can courage. We gain esteem. We gain confidence. We gain ourselves back. RE-gain!!!!!!!!!

Today's diddy: "Nothing in God's world is done by mistake." --Don (We may not have the answers to WHY right now, but maybe we are not supposed to have those answers right now (or ever).

Holy Cow

This morning, I stepped on the scale and found out that I am less than one pound away from my 15% goal. (Note: when I lost my weight the first time, I did not step on the scale except for at my WW meeting.) As exciting as this is, I think that I have decided to continue with a bit more of a loss.

Part of me wants to be a bit less. Part of me just wants to have that "wiggle room" in which I can mess up occasionally.

Today has been a good eating day so far, but for some reason I feel really hungry. And I feel sort of wierd....like....I must be bloated, but don't feel that way. It is leftovers again for dinner tonight. I don't know what my husband took for his lunch, so it may end up that I cook. I would like to have chicken pasta side with sauteed mushrooms. However, I have soo many points still left to eat.

THis gives me a dilema. I don't want to over eat with something else. But I don't want to overeat either. mmmmmm.....what to do? Guess we'll have to wait and see what else is in the fridge.

Hope you are having a great week so far.

Today's diddy: "If id doesn't taste great, don't eat it." --Anonymous